Sunday, July 29, 2007

How to Make a Blind Reviewer Voodoo Doll

An integral, yet harrowing, part of being an academic is producing publications. The process follows a predictable formula:

1. You are inspired by a wonderful and creative research idea.
2. You painstakingly collect every bit of research that has been written on the topic.
3. You develop a brilliant and novel means of testing your research questions.
4. You deal with IRB, grant-giving institutions, and other red tape hurtles.

5. You run models, interview subjects, analyze data, etc.
6. You sit down at the computer to write up your findings.

About one year later, you emerge with a masterpiece final draft, ready to send off to some lucky journal. And this is where the nightmare really begins (oh, and you thought you were already there, didn't you?). Visit Total Drek's tips for publishing for an entertaining take on the matter.

Once you are lucky enough to get a coveted R&R, and you get over your initial shock, you realize you actually have to revise. And resubmit. This requires appeasing the editor, and the evil Triad known as the Blind Reviewers. For this, I have devised a cunning weapon:

1. Make a paper pattern in the shape of your blind reviewer.
2. Cut out the pattern and pin to a folded piece of burlap, or whatever other fabric you have lying around.
3. Using yarn and a tapestry needle, stitch a face onto your doll, making sure you only stitch into 1 of the pieces.
4. Whip-stitch the two pieces of fabric together, leaving the head open.
5. Gleefully shred a copy of the offending negative reviews.
6. Stuff your doll, leaving the head free.
7. Sew shreds of the review into the head for hair, leaving a space open for stuffing the head.
8. Stuff the head and close the hole.

Now you have a voodoo doll of your blind reviewer, to which you can do whatever cathartic actions you dare imagine.


Dan Myers said...

OMG, You are so hilarious..... LOL!

Anomie said...

Thanks! :)